Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
