My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
be right there i have to get my cape
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
