??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my shit smells like andre
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
