wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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