go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
