Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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