I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
