I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
