we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
