just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How external is "for external use only"?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
