the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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