dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
