I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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