I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
