Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Damn victory sex feels great
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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