Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize