I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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