New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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