She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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