I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
