Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
