Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
