i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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