Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
