Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
