everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
