somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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