Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
