Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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