i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
