watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
