my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
