Kiss
Puke
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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