I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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