nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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