john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
