I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
