I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
