I skipped work to stalk him.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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