therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
