Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
