watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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