just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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