Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
