dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
