Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
