I can tuck mytits in my pants
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
