I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
