I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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