Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
