moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize