Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
