Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
