Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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