Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
