that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
