Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
