we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
And then he peed in my hair
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