talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
