maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
