All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
